To err is human, to forgive, divine

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

~Buddha~

I was on facebook recently and saw this comment "Broken trust and anger will close a heart until honesty and love is once again found".  I believe there's a piece missing in that statement.  I'm talking about forgiveness.  Now, here are my thoughts on broken trust, anger, honesty, love and forgiveness:

Anger is a temporary emotion that, left alone, will subside.  It takes effort to hold onto anger.  It steals our happy moments and replaces them with negative emotions like resentment.  Anger, resentment, not forgiving are all cancers that eat away at our happiness one nibble at a time.  No one stays angry forever unless they try.  Situations change.  Opinions and circumstances change.  People change.  If you're still angry about something that happened a long time ago, you need to ask yourself why and who, really, is being hurt by that anger. 

It's true the spoken word can't be unsaid or the broken trust unbroken but both can be forgiven and the broken trust can be mended  Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting nor does it mean that trust is automatically regained.  It simply means that you're not going to let one (or even a hundred and one) incident affect your life, steal your happiness or harden your heart.  Forgiveness is not only healing, it's also freeing.  It frees you of the shackles of anger and resentment and allows you to concentrate your energies on the positive.

So, what about the love and honesty?  I'm not sure where they fit in, to be truthful.  I think it's hard to be honest with yourself if you're holding on to anger.  Love?  I don't know anyone who hasn't ever been angry at someone they love (or had someone who loved them, be angry at them) but I think it's absolutely impossible to hold onto anger if you truly love someone.

Sometimes there are people in our lives who break our trust over and over again or hurt us on a regular basis.  I know that's been true for me at different times in my life.  My answer to that is to forgive those people so I can heal and then remove them from my life.  Like I said earlier, forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance.  Forgive, let it go and then move on.

As for me, I tend to forgive everyone for everything - it may be in my own time, but it always happens.  I don't do it for those who hurt me.  I do it for myself because I matter.  Besides, we will all stand before God one day and want to be forgiven.  How can we ask for and expect to receive that which we refuse to give?  Think about it.

My Coming Out

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.
~Richard Armour~

I'm sure it comes as no surprise to those who know me but I am a conservative republican.  There. I said it. Even more, I'm going to elaborate on WHY I'm a conservative (bet you saw that coming a mile away, huh?).

I believe in God and religious freedom - as did our forefathers. Nowhere have I ever seen or heard of anything that indicated they were offended by someone else's spiritual or religious beliefs. Even those who supported separation of church and state still believed in God.  Thomas Jefferson, for example, was one of those supporters of separation of church and state. When we wrote the 'Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom", he begins with the line "Whereas, Almighty God hath created the mind free".

Freedom of religion is one of the basic principles on which this great country was founded.  Somewhere along the line some yahoo decided that also meant freedom FROM religion.  I challenge anyone to find something - anything - that substantiates that claim.  Freedom OF religion simply grants everyone the right to practice whichever religion they so choose.  It doesn't force anyone to practice a religion.

I believe in the Second Amendment.  I just don't get the idea that gun control is the answer to decreasing the number of violent crimes.  Seriously?  Criminals don't obey laws anyway and, truthfully, what's the percentage of criminals who are armed with legal weapons?  Are there even statistics on that?

I believe parents have the right to discipline their children without interference from the government.  Spanking your children is NOT abuse.  Exactly WHEN did it happen that children have more rights than their parents? Yes, abuse happens and that should be dealt with accordingly but to tell every parent they can't discipline their children because some children are abused is just wrong.  No wonder we have so much disrespect and crime in our country.  Children aren't taught that actions have consequences.  Without that, how can they learn right from wrong?

I believe anyone from any country should be able to come to America but through LEGAL channels.  I believe anyone wishing to make my country their home should have to learn our language - not the other way around.  America has always been known as the Great Melting Pot - and I'm proud of that heritage - but when our ancestors came here (and unless you're 100% American Indian, you're here because someone immigrated) they came legally and adapted to OUR customs and ways of doing things.  My husband's grandparents were immigrants from Italy.  The first thing they did was learn our language.  They still spoke Italian at home and honored their cultures BUT they practiced American cultures in public.  They became citizens and worked hard to make a living.  With good reason and my support, my husband is very proud of his Italian ancestry.

I believe in supporting our country and honoring those who fought and died for all of our freedoms.  We don't have to believe in a cause or support the reasons for a war in order to respect and support our troops.

I believe in the right to life.  I can't imagine any circumstance under which I would kill my unborn baby.  Having said that, abortion is a legal right and I would never deny someone else their right to obtain one.  However, I absolutely, positively do NOT believe that my tax dollars should pay for what I believe to be murder.  It kind of goes back to another line Thomas Jefferson wrote in his "Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom": "That to compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves is sinful and tyrannical".  That could apply to a lot of things, couldn't it?

I also believe in love and the rights of everyone to marry the person they love.  I believe in the Bible and the teachings of Jesus but I also recognize that not everyone believes as I do.  I support those who believe differently in their right to their beliefs and would never judge or condemn someone for choosing a path different than mine.  Love is too rare a commodity today for me to attempt to tell anyone who they can or can't love.

So, there you go.  I'm a conservative republican who is tolerant of all beliefs, who supports the rights of everyone to their own beliefs and opinions and who thinks maybe she might have been born in the wrong decade.

Vacation of Love

The more I think it over, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.
~Vincent Van Gogh~

I just got back from a vacation during which I visited several people who I love dearly.  All of them except one are related biologically and the other is related through our hearts.

First visit was to our son and daughter-in-law.  The 8 hour drive was amazing.  They live in Tennessee - right in the heart of the Smoky Mountains and we live in eastern Virginia so we had to drive through the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Both ranges are spectacular and, truthfully, each range is probably an extension of the other.  I might be just a few minutes drive from the beaches of the Atlantic Ocean, but give me mountains any day of the week.

It was so good to see my kids - it felt as though it'd been ages since I'd seen them when, in reality, it had only been a few weeks.  I'm the kind of mom who wants her children to fly the nest but only to a new nest in the next tree.  Our youngest son lives about five miles from us and that's a perfect distance in my opinion.  But no matter how many miles separate us from our children, we remain a close and loving family.

After a couple of days with our kids, we packed up and headed to Ohio. Of course, the kids joined us on this leg of the journey.  We spent a wonderful afternoon with my aunt and uncle who I've not seen in several years.  Neither my uncle nor my aunt are in the best of health these days and they're not getting any younger.  I wanted to make sure to see them on this trip since I'm not sure when (or if) I'll ever get to see them again.  My uncle, God bless him, spent the morning cooking for us and had a spread laid out when we got there.  They didn't want us to leave - and frankly, I didn't want to leave either - but we were chomping at the bit to get to our final destination.

After long, drawn out goodbyes, we piled in the truck and headed north to my chosen sister's place in northern Ohio.  She and I met several years ago when we both joined a Patrick Swayze fan based email list.  We clicked right away and decided that each of us was the sister that God hadn't given us.  It had been seven years since we last saw each other in person so this was a long overdue visit.

The final destination was sort of my chosen sister's place.  I say "sort of" because the real reason for the trip was to visit our granddaughter who is living in a nursing home just a short drive from where my chosen sister lives.  Our son and daughter-in-law had to place her there because of the physical and mental handicaps she has.  Though they told us it was a good place and that she was happy there, you know Grandma and Grandpa had to see it for themselves.  We never doubted their word, but still, I want to see things for myself and, in this case, my husband did too.  We were not disappointed.

Our girl is extremely happy in her new home (and yeah, I have a really hard time using that word to describe where she is now).  She's actually flourishing and isn't "different" anymore.  In fact, she's the normal and WE are the ones who are "different" now.  I was worried, though, about how she would be when it was time for us to leave her.  I shouldn't have.  She was glad to see us but was happy to stay behind when we left.

We spent a few days with my sis and then headed back to Tennessee and, finally, Virginia.  I learned on this trip that love is an amazing thing.  I saw it not only in the faces of my family but when the staff at the nursing home tended to my granddaughter, when she looked at them and when she interacted with other residents of the home, when my chosen sister wore herself out seeing to our every need and when my uncle cooked that huge meal for us.  I'm sure it was a chore for him but I have no doubt that he did it out of love.

I consider myself very blessed that God gave me the family I have and that He lead me to the right friends.  Life is good and God is good.