Bless The Little Children, Lord

To lose a child ... was something that could end one's world. One could never get back to how it was before. The stars went out. The moon disappeared. The birds became silent.
~Alexander McCall Smith, The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency~

Last week's tragic massacre at Sandy Hooks Elementary School in Newtown CT has had a profound effect on everyone I know.  Those with little ones of their own are hugging them a little tighter and a lot more often.  Those of us with grown children are a little more grateful.  Parents should never outlive their children but it happens.  I can only imagine that it's the worse thing that could ever happen to a mother or father.

I have to wonder, though, is losing a child in such a horrendous way any more tragic than losing one through accident or disease?  Not to diminish this or any other massacre, but isn't the real tragedy in the lost itself rather than how they were lost?  Could it be that the sheer numbers of those loss at one time is a source of our devastation and outrage?  Obviously, another source would be that such a thing could even happen.  What if all the victims had survived?  Wouldn't we all be just as outraged but at the same time, be thankful?

Through my passion for genealogy, I've learned a lot about parents losing children and how fortunate we are to live in this time when it's not the norm for most of us to know someone who has lost a child.  My parents and grandparents never lost a child but my great-grandparents lost 3 children in 3 years.  My great-great-grandparents lost 2 children and my 3rd-great-grandparents lost 2.  How tragic for all of them.

Our children are so very precious to us and to the world.  They are our future, our hope and our immortality.  As long as they live, a piece of us lives within them.  To lose them diminishes something within us - our light, our hopes and dreams, our very life force.

While it's true that we need to find a way to bring back a sense of security to our children, we also need to remember that in many cases, the perpetrators of these vile and despicable acts are usually children themselves.  What of them?  How did they get that way and how can we stop the perpetuation of more of the same?  What are we doing wrong?

Perhaps it's time to kick the government out of our parenting business.  Children are told that they can report their parents if they're disciplined in a way that various government agencies deem abusive. And it's not just the government - so many parents today are falling down on the job.  Children aren't taught that actions have consequences or to respect other people's rights and feelings.  Someway, somehow, we have to find a way to turn things around.  If we don't, what do we have to look forward to?

God bless the little children.

Like Nails On A Chalkboard

"People who say that small things don't bother them have never slept in a room with a mosquito."
~Dennis Rainey~

I have several pet peeves but the one that causes me the most irritation - and it's only an irritation as opposed to making me angry or causing me to wipe someone from my life - is obvious bad grammar and the written word that is a wrong spelling of the correct word.  Confused?  Okay, for example, when someone writes "their" when they're talking about a place drives me nuts!

As for the grammar, I totally get it that not everyone knows when to use who or whom (I certainly don't!) or not to end a sentence with a preposition.  When I hear "what did you do that for?" or "where are you at?" I know they should be "why did you do that?" and "where are you?".  Those examples don't bother me so much.  It is EXACTLY like nails on a chalkboard, however, when I hear "I done that" or "I seen it".

Of all the things I hear that have the 'nails on a chalkboard' affect on me, the absolute worse is when someone uses "that" when they should be using "who".  Example?  Glad you asked!  When someone says "he's the one that did it" or "she's the one that wanted it" I mentally correct the "that" to "who" but keep my mouth shut. People are not things and therefore shouldn't be spoken about as if they were.  You wouldn't say 'that's the car who I want" would you?  Of course not!

And names - oh my gosh, it makes my skin crawl when I see "Michael" written as "Micheal".  I understand there are more ways than one to spell some names but not all of them.  I guess that one bothers me more than some others because it's my son's name.  My other son is Matthew and I don't care to see it spelled "Mathew" but I know that's a variation and not an incorrect spelling.

And then there's my name - Frances.  Did you notice that it's spelled with an "e"?  I absolutely hate it when someone spells it with an "i" and will not hesitate to correct them if I can.  I tell people all the time - e is for hErs and i is for hIs. I wish I had some cute little ditty like that to teach people to spell my son's name correctly.

Okay, in the grand scheme of things, all of this is as unimportant as a gnat.  I certainly don't judge the kind of person someone is by the grammar they use.  And I don't make a habit of correcting people because, well, like I said, it's totally unimportant in the grand scheme of things.  I recognize that it's my idiosyncrasy and has nothing to do with the other person.  Some people who I love dearly use some of  these examples every day but it doesn't diminish their value in my eyes.  It's people who matter - not grammar.  The world is not going to end because someone that doesn't care about grammar don't use it good.  (OUCH!  That hurt and took some self-control not to correct! lol)

Just a little ditty about a pet peeve by me... FrancEs  :D

On Mothers and Mothers-in-law

I miss thee, my Mother! Thy image is still The deepest impressed on my heart.
~Eliza Cook~

It's been two years since we lost my mom and nine months since we lost my mother-in-law.  How strange to have a Christmas with neither of them.  Both moms were a big part of our celebration and I miss them both- especially at this time of the year.

Both moms always got along quite well and really seemed to enjoy each other's company in later years.  They each taught me something about getting old and the circle of life.  My mother deteriorated physically while my mother-in-law suffered with Alzheimer's.  I'm not sure which is worse - a failing body or a failing mind.

The year that my husband retired, we decided to spend his birthday weekend with our son and daughter-in-law who lived in another state.  I suggested that we take our mothers since neither of them had ever been to their grandson's home.  My husband asked if I was sure I wanted to do that and I told him it would be good.  The moms could sit in the back seat and his mom could tell my mom the same stories over and over and it would be okay because my mom couldn't hear them anyway.

Both moms preferred to sleep sitting up and each wanted our son's recliner.  It turned out that his love seat had two recliners so they both slept on the love seat.  I say 'slept' but what they really did was talk and giggle all night long like a couple of school girls on a sleep over.  Because of my mom's hearing loss, both mom's spoke loudly and never gave it a thought that the rest of us could hear them.

None of us begrudged our moms/grandmoms their company but we all agreed, with loving smiles, that we'd never take a road trip with the two of them together again.  With all the 'pee stops' and "Oh! Look! Can we stop there?" stops, the 8-hour drive took us about 12 hours.

After my mom moved in with us, she wouldn't climb the stairs to go to bed so she slept in her recliner in the living room.  When my mother-in-law would visit, she insisted on sleeping in the living room with my mom.  Again, it was like two school girls on a sleep over but this time,  we were far enough away that their giggling and non-stop chatter didn't keep us awake.

When my mom passed away, I was concerned about how it would affect my mother-in-law.  They (whoever "they" are) say things happen for a reason.  I guess it's true that God does what He does because He knows best.  My mother-in-law's Alzheimer's was a blessing in this case.  She took the news as though we'd told her a neighbor had died and then promptly forgot.  Every time we'd visit her, she'd ask how my mother was.  After several times of telling her that my mom had passed away and listening to the condolences only to have her ask about my mom, I would just tell her that my mom was doing fine.  For some reason, that seemed to stick and 'other mother' didn't ask again until the next time we visited.

It gives me a lot of comfort to think of my moms together in Heaven, giggling and driving the Angels crazy with their school girl silliness but I miss them both.  I'm so very blessed that I have that to comfort me.

To Control or Not Control - And What Should Be Controlled?

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
~Mark Twain~

So everyone is in an uproar over the comments made by Bob Costas regarding the murder-suicide committed by Jovan Belcher of the Kansas City Chiefs NFL franchise.  Costas said "If Jovan Belcher didn’t possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today."  I have to agree that if Belcher didn't have a gun neither he nor Kasandra would have been shot but to say they'd both be alive today?  I wouldn't go that far.  I'm sure you've all heard the saying 'where there's a will, there's a way'.

I find it somewhat unsettling that so many are up in arms about guns when what they SHOULD be concerned about is WHY some individuals are so willing to take another human life.  What is wrong with our society that such a heinous act should be held as an example for why there should be yet more government control in our private lives.  Isn't it ironic that news reports of crimes (particularly murder) involving guns very quickly turn from the act itself to what was used to commit the act?

It's very clear to me that Jovan had some emotional issues or he wouldn't have done something so awful.  Why is THAT not the focus?   Wouldn't it make sense to try to learn why some people are willing to kill another human being instead of  how they choose to do it?  We can take guns away from people all day long but until we address the real issue - why they do it, not how - it's not going to stop the killing.

There are so many ways that people are killed - stabbings, strangling, drunk drivers, overdoses on drugs, beatings - it's a long list.  Why in the world do gun control advocates think that taking guns away from people will stop the madness?  And don't let them tell you it's just about registering guns.  There were several guns in Jovan's home and they were all registered according to news reports I've read.  Bob Costas' meaning was clear when he said "if he didn't possess a gun".

There is something inherently wrong in this great country when so many in our society grow up with such a low regard for human life.  When will we try to control that instead of guns?