An Open Letter to Donald Trump

Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.

~George Orwell~

I've deliberately been avoiding the subject of politics thus far, preferring to wait until we actually KNOW who is running for president.  But now I feel compelled to address something that I think is wrong on so many levels.  I'm talking about Donald Trump's planned boycott of the Republican Debate coming up this Thursday on the Fox News Channel.  Mr Trump has decided that he won't participate if Megan Kelly is a moderator.


Mr Trump, I totally understand that you don't like her but, seriously, isn't what you're doing basically dictating to the supposedly unbiased (I use the term very loosely) media how they should do their jobs?  If you're elected president, are you going to boycott any summits or meetings at which there are officials with whom you are feuding?  Are you going to have town hall meetings in various localities at which only those who treat you nice will be allowed to participate?  If you have a feud with a member of Congress, are you going to refuse to give a State of the Union Address?


I'm one of those voters who is still undecided about whom I want as our next Commander-in-Chief.  Stunts like this (and yes, I see it as a "stunt") do nothing to sway me in your direction, Mr Trump. In fact, it has the opposite effect.  I would never say you're afraid of Megan Kelly but it does make me pause and wonder if you can't or won't deal with her, what will you do when faced with the likes of Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un or Ayman al-Zawahiri?  I want a leader who will stand up to those who are tough on him - even if he thinks it's unfair - and not someone who backs down when he feels attacked.


I have watched every single debate - both Republican and Democratic.  I don't want any candidate who is still in the race to miss a single debate for any reason.  I know things happen that are beyond a person's control and emergencies arise, but to boycott because you don't like a moderator?  Um, no.  That's like a kid in school not going to math class because he doesn't like the teacher.


You may not realize this, Mr Trump, but the debates are not set up for the comfort of the candidates. Rather, they are for the people to hear in their own words where the candidates stand on the issues and to defend that stance.  I honestly cannot tell you at this point if I will or won't vote for you when my state has our primary in March.  I can tell you that if you go through with your boycott, I will certainly be able to pay more attention to your opponents.

A View From The Other Side

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
~Wayne W. Dyer~

Anyone who knows me knows my passion for genealogy and tracing my roots.  To that end, I watch any and all genealogy shows I can.  Last night I was watching "Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates Jr" and had a thought I'd never had before.  What if my ancestors had BEEN slaves instead of OWNING slaves?  Would that make a difference in how I view racial issues in today's world?  I went to bed with some soul searching on my mind.


When I began seriously researching my ancestry about 15 years ago, I never gave it a thought if my ancestors owned slaves, if they fought in any of the major wars in our country, how they supported their families or what kind of people they were.  I did want to know where they came from and when they came to America - or to the Colonies as it turned out to be in most of my lines.  Let me go back a few years to when it first hit me that my ancestors weren't just people who lived a long time ago, but people who were actually part of history and historical happenings.


I was trying hard to find the parents of one of my 3rd Great-Grandfathers.  I knew when he died (1863) but never associated the timing of his death with what was historically happening at the time (Civil War).  It was when my oldest son found where this ancestor was buried that I learned the cause of his death.  He was a soldier in the Confederate Army of Virginia during the Civil War and was wounded in the second battle of Manassas.  Infection from that wound would send him to the hospital where he contracted Typhoid Fever and that is what ultimately killed him.  That's when my interest in the Civil War began and when I learned that it's really my own personal history that makes an impact on how I think and feel.


As I found more and more of my ancestors, I learned that some of them were poor farmers who could not afford to own slaves and some were wealthy plantation owners who most assuredly did own slaves.  I was really ambivalent about it because, frankly, I didn't care.  I didn't judge my ancestors because as I always say, that's God's job not mine and also because that's just the way it was back then.  I suppose I just accepted that it was history and not something that mattered in my personal life.  I chose not to research any slave records because I didn't want to know who owned other human beings and how many of them they owned.


I have accepted slavery as part of our history because, well, it IS part of our history.  I have never and will never justify it or condone it but I do think we need to remember it.  We don't need to use it as an excuse to hate but rather as a reason to always treat others with respect, honor and love.


That all sounds wonderful, doesn't it?  But would I feel the same way if I was descended from slaves?  To be perfectly honest, I don't know.  I would like to think that I would.  I've always been acutely aware that it is possible I could have black ancestors but never once considered that they could have been slaves.  Will my ambivalence subside and give me pause to consider what it must have been like to have been a slave?  It was a pretty eye-opening thought for me - one I'm still pondering this morning.


I'm absolutely, positively certain of one thing:  I will never become angry over what happened in history as it relates to me personally.  I could have ancestors who were hung as witches during the Salem Witch Trials and I wouldn't become angry about it.  I do have an ancestor who was tried for treason during the Revolutionary War (he sided with the British and blew up his neighbor's boats in the harbor) and I'm not angry about that either.  It's all history and can't be changed - and none of it has anything to do with who I am today.


Whatever conclusion I ultimately come to, I can promise you that I will continue to be who I am and will continue to leave it in the past where it belongs.  We cannot change our past nor do we have any control over who our ancestors were or what they did.  We can accept our past, let go of what we can't change and then move forward in our lives and relationships without the chains of grudges and anger holding us back.


I prefer to learn from the past, not relive it.

Does Beauty Impress?

If the whole world was blind how many people would you impress?
~Boonaa Mohammed~

Have you ever wondered what people really think of you?  I do all the time.  It's usually just a passing thought because in truth, the only ones whose opinions of me really matter are my own and God's.  I learned two things a very long time ago:  1) I'm the only one who has to live with the real, unseen, unheard, unknown me; the me who makes choices in my life and who acts on them; and 2) Only God is qualified to pass judgment on me and, truthfully, His is the only judgment that matters.


The world in which we live today has people believing that you only have value if you fit the mold of that which they consider worthy or beautiful.  How many of us walk past a homeless person on the street and look away because our opinion of them is such that they're not good enough to even be acknowledged?  If we knew their stories, we might find people who are not only worthy of our time but who can be (and probably have been) productive members of society if they just had someone to help them find their way.  Have you ever actually stopped and talked to a homeless person?


I feel sorry for those who only have time for attractive, wealthy people or people of "society".  How sad that so many of us can't see the heart of others and find the true beauty that lives within them.  How sad that so many who are deemed unattractive in their appearance, unworthy to have a friend, uninvited in our lives and undeserving of success could be so much more if they had only been given a chance, listened to or encouraged.


Many people today go to such extremes to achieve physical beauty and never learn what real beauty is.  They take pills, get injections and undergo surgery just to be whatever their perception of beauty might be.  Beauty is not what's on the outside, it's what shines out from the inside.  Joan Rivers once said "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery".  How sad is that?


The ugliest people in the world are sometimes those who have flawless beauty, enormous wealth and lofty social standings while the most beautiful of us are wearing tattered clothes, sleeping on the streets and going days without food.  We are all God's people (even those who don't believe in God).  We all have the same value regardless of our standing in life.  As you go through your day-by-day existences, think about how many times, while you were looking at others and making mental assessments of their worth, others may be making the same assessments about you.


A final note:  Remember that how we perceive another person oftentimes shows on our faces and in our actions.  Are your facial expressions and actions covering up your true beauty?

How Much Do You Want?

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.
~Mahatma Gandhi~

So someone finally won that 1.5 billion dollar power ball lottery.  Thank you, Jesus, the hype is over!  I personally did not contribute even one dollar to the frenzy.  If I had had a weak moment and bought a ticket that won, I'd have given 99% of it away.  I have no desire for that kind of money.


In this day and age, I see more and more people becoming 'money worshippers'.  They can't get enough and are always searching for more, bigger and better.  Why?  How much money do you seriously need?  How many things can you spend it on?  How many houses, cars, yachts and jets would you own?  I suppose one could put solid gold toilets in each of his 25 bathrooms and have door knobs made of the finest diamonds if one were so inclined but, again, why???


The thing I don't get is why can't people just be happy with what they have?  So many don't even have the necessities of life and then there are those who think they don't have enough because someone else has that "more, bigger, better" thing they want.


Being satisfied with what you have does not in anyway mean that you can't want more.  It just means that you know your life doesn't depend on it and if you never get something you want, you'll still be happy.  Can you imagine having so much money that you can get everything you want?  Where's the excitement of anticipation?  of wishing? of hoping? of dreaming?  Where's the joy you get from finally getting that for which you waited so long and worked so hard?  Every adult knows the disappointment that comes when Christmas is over and none of those things are left.


Have you ever wondered what motivates the wealthiest people in the world?  Obviously, everyone is different, but if I had to wager a guess, I'd put my money on greed.  I think money can become as much an addiction as heroin or cocaine if you place too much importance on how much of it you have.  I also believe that there is something emotionally and/or morally wrong with those of us who fall into that category.


The Bible tells us (yes, here I go again!) that we cannot serve two masters.  Money is not my master nor is a desire to have that "more, bigger, better".  Matthew 19:24 tells us that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.   Wow.  Give that some thought while I move on.


Many years ago when we were struggling in our early years, my husband and I took a tour of a shopping club for which we had a lotto ticket with which we could win anything from $5 to $500.  Naturally, we won the $5 - for which I was grateful because we were needing bread and milk.  My husband kind of scowled and said "Figgers.  We never win the big prize."  I anwered him :"No, but we always seem to get the 5 or 10 dollars when we're needing something."  He admitted I was right.  Surprisingly or not, we both still seem to have those same attitudes today.  Guess which one of us has the less stress?


Now, having said all that, if someone should happen to toss a winning lottery ticket my way and the pot is a size I'm comfortable winning, I won't be upset.

Facing Disappointment

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
~Henry David Thoreau~

Sometimes I think disappointment is one of God's ways of humbling us.  It's certainly true that we need disappointment in our lives in order to appreciate satisfaction - at least I think so.  I've experienced that scenario this weekend.


My disappointment came from something that is really not that important in the grand scheme of things.  My hopes were built up to the point that I was positively soaring and believed I would go even higher.  My bubble was burst and I experienced what ABC Sports has always called "the agony of defeat".  I went to bed last night with a broken heart and a broken spirit. 


A good night's sleep and a beautiful morning has changed my perspective and I'm feeling my usual obnoxious and positive self again.  That which disappointed me is over and a fresh new start is upon me.  Don't you just love how quickly points of view can change when you let them?


To be perfectly honest, I'm grateful for the reality check.  I needed it.  The old me from many (MANY!) years ago would have pouted and walked around with drooped shoulders and a frown for days.  The me of today has picked myself up, wiped the dust off and put the whole thing behind me.  I'm good and I'm happy.


For those who haven't figured it out, I'm talking about a silly football game.  My team lost a playoff game and will not make it to the Super Bowl.  Today, I'm looking forward to a better season next year.  Devastation has given way to reality.  Of 32 teams, only 12 made it to the playoffs and my team was one.  Next weekend, only 8 teams will still be in contention.  So many more will be watching and that is perfectly okay.


And yes, I AM still having a Super Bowl Party even if my team is just watching too.

Can Forgiving Make You Happy?

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.

~Lewis B. Smedes~

Have you ever been hurt or wronged to the point that you shout "I'll never forgive you!"?  I haven't and can't imagine any scenario in which I would say that or even feel that way.  I'm a forgiving person by nature and always - ALWAYS - forgive.  It's not something I plan or even make a conscious effort to do, it just happens.  It doesn't always happen right away - in fact, it rarely happens right away.  Sometimes I have to slush through the muck that is anger or hurt to get there but I DO get there.


I learned a long time ago that forgiving someone doesn't mean you forgive or even accept the behavior.  It means that you forgive the person and you're letting go of the hurt and anger.  Forgiving is an act of healing and of loving yourself.  And yes, it IS a component of being a happy person.


When you forgive, you let go.  When you let go, you free yourself.  You free yourself to concentrate on that which makes you happy.  It takes a lot of energy - negative energy - to hold a grudge.  You have to constantly remember the hurt or wrong done you and you also have to constantly FEEL it as well.  How can anyone be happy like that?


There are times when the same person hurts you over and over and over.  Each time, you need to forgive that person.  Then you need to remove yourself from the line of fire.  As I said, forgiving does not mean accepting.  There are people who are no longer part of my life because they wronged me too many times.  I forgave them then removed them from my life.


Forgiving does not make you a doormat.  It takes a strong person to forgive and then move past the hurt.  It takes practice and commitment.  You have to decide to forgive and then let it go.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting.  It just means that the hurt is no longer a focus.  It's a hard thing to do when it's a foreign concept to you but as you make an effort, it becomes easier.


And there is another, probably the most important part, of forgiveness.  We will all stand before our Heavenly Father one day and want His forgiveness.  How can we ask for that which we ourselves are not willing to give?


So, there you have it - my recipe for happiness:  Think positively, be grateful and forgive.  I would go one step farther and say that another part is in having faith in something greater than yourself.  For me, that is God.  Knowing that He is guiding my life and protecting me with His Divine love is the best feeling in the world.   How wonderful life is when you're happy!

Celebrating Gratitude

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
~Fred De Witt Van Amburgh~

Can you imagine how miserable life must be for the person who has no gratitude?  How hard it must be to go through life without acknowledging how fortunate we are to have all the blessings God has bestowed upon us!


It may not seem like it but it's really quite easy, and honestly, quite necessary to be grateful.  It reminds us of all the good things in our lives - even if we have to look really hard for them.  Being grateful is humbling and reminds us that we are not without value.


When life is hard and we're at a low point, when we think nothing is going our way and we'll never have any hope, we can always express gratitude.  Be grateful every morning that you woke up.  That's it - just that you woke up.  So many didn't make it to today and many of us won't make it to tomorrow.  As long as you are alive, you have hope and hope in and of itself is plenty enough reason to be grateful.


Developing an 'attitude of gratitude' is much the same as learning to think positively.  You don't have to feel it in the beginning - in fact, you probably won't.  If you say 'thank you' enough, you'll be surprised one day when you discover that you actually mean. it.  Maybe it's kind of like brainwashing yourself but in a good way.


Gratitude starts small.  Thank people whose lives intersect with yours during the day.  Thank the person who held a door open for you.  Thank the waitress who took your order in a restaurant.  Thank the bagger when you guy groceries.  Thank anyone who does even the tiniest nice thing for you.  You'll not only be developing an 'attitude of gratitude' you'll also show appreciation to someone who may not get it very often.


Don't limit your expressions of gratitude to strangers.  Express your gratitude to your family and friends as well.  The more you express gratitude, the sooner you will feel it.   I would also suggest that a little gratitude might make for better relationships.  Who doesn't smile and perk up when we feel appreciated?


Finally, I'm grateful to all of you who read my blog.  I'm also grateful when they're shared (did you know there are links at the bottom that you can click to share my blog?).


So, now we have a positive attitude and are grateful.  That's not all, so guess what...


...to be continued...

Speak It, Believe It

You may not seem able to change some outer circumstances but you can start by changing your inner experience of life and yourself.
~Joy Page~

Many years ago when I was newly employed at what would be my last job (never thought I'd work there long enough to retire!), I had a brief encounter with a stranger in an elevator.  It was actually pretty generic and quite simple but it's an encounter I've never forgotten and continues to have an effect on my life even today.


I don't remember if we got on the elevator at the same time or if one of us "picked up" the other on the trip, but I do recall the seconds-long conversation:  He: "Good morning!  How are you?" Me: "Good morning!  I'm great, how are you?"  He:  "I'm great too."  We both chuckled a little and then he said "you know, we might as well say we're great even if we're not.  If our brain hears it enough, our bodies will start to believe it."   The doors opened, we said our "have a good days" and just like that, the stranger was out of my life for good.  I doubt I'd recognize him on the street today but I'll never forget his words.  That's the day that I decided I would always try to have a positive attitude.


My desire for a positive attitude was reinforced as I began to notice the way others interacted with those around them.  I found myself preferring not to be around those who were always complaining or found only the bad in every situation.  You know the kind of people I'm talking about - they seem to have a problem for every solution.  I would find reasons not to be around those people more and more.  I noticed how draining it was to be in the presence of those "Debbie Downers" for too long and promised myself that I would never be one of them.  I wish they could all learn what I learned.


As I became more positive in my outer presence, something was happening inside me.  I began to feel calmer, more confident and smiled more.  I experienced more moments of being happy and satisfied.  My posture improved - which I think automatically makes you feel somewhat empowered (try standing up straight and tall and notice the difference).  Even my health seemed to be better.  Other than the occasional cold, I rarely get sick and when I do, it's usually pretty mild.


Just as hearing yourself say positive things about you, saying negative things has the same effect.   In my opinion, constantly finding the bad and always complaining are self-abuse.  If a parent did that to a child, it would be verbal and emotional abuse.  So why do it to yourself?


No one skirts through life without having some bad things happen.  It's just not possible.  Even when you're feeling sad or lost inside, you can still exhibit an outward appearance of positivity.  In fact, I would say that when you feel it the least is when you need it the most.  Trying to keep a positive attitude when things are really hard does not in any way diminish the situation but it DOES give you strength to get through the hard times.


I have come so far since that day in the elevator all those years ago.  Sometimes, it just amazes how much I'm affected by people and things around me.  I often wonder if I ever do that to others.  If I do, great, but even if  I don't, I'm a much better person for letting my life lessons influence me.  You should try it.


(FYI - positive thinking is only PART of the secret to being happy.  To be continued...)

A Tick of the Clock

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

~Hal Borland~

Have you ever wondered how things can be new just because the clock strikes midnight?  Why do we think that one second can change our whole life?  In my opinion, there is absolutely no difference from one second to the next insofar as our actions and mindsets are concerned unless we choose to make it different.


Here's what I think:  time is a man-made concept and only exists for each of us during our own lifetimes from the moment of birth to the moment of death.  Before birth and after death, time does not exist for us as individuals.


I think we subconsciously look for a logical starting or stopping point whenever we want to begin something new or end something old.  That's probably why we make new year resolutions.  The first day of a new year just seems like perfect timing.  We can begin a new diet, stop smoking, get our financial affairs in order, become more grateful, etc, at any point we choose.


A tick of the clock is just that - a tick.  It doesn't matter if it signals the switch from one hour to the next,  from one day to the next or from one year to the next.  It's just a convenient catalyst to use as motivation.


I've made resolutions in the past - same ones over and over actually.  I don't make them anymore.  The truth is, we make changes in our lives when we're mentally ready to make them not because of a clock tick.  We can begin brand new or we can stop old habits at any point we choose.  Why let a clock dictate our beginnings or endings?


Did I say I don't make resolutions anymore?  I did but I'm changing my mind.  My new resolution is to not let time determine my actions.  I will strive every moment to be better than I was the moment before.


What do you choose?

Same and Equal are Neither

The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.

~Aristotle~

It amazes me the things that go through my mind as I take my daily walk (which, I admit, I've been quite lax about during the holidays but I'm back on track now).  This morning, the air was crisp and invigorating.  I was looking up at the trees (which weren't really trees, rather they were naked branches reaching Heavenward) and the sky (which was a contrast in blue and gray with a few while fluffy clouds).  I thanked God for another day filled with His beauty.


What struck me is that the trees that weren't trees and the multi-colored sky were equally beautiful but they weren't the same at all.  I thought of all the issues about inequality during 2015 and decided I have had enough of it.


Anyone who knows me knows that I am a die-hard Bible believer.  The Bible says that God made man in His own image. Nowhere have I ever seen it written that God also made woman in His own image.  No, He made woman from the rib of man.  Physiologically, psychologically, perceptually, emotionally, man and woman are not the same but does that mean man and woman are not equal?  Not in my opinion.


The biggest inequality issue during 2015, in my opinion, was racism.  Things have gotten so out of hand that many people are afraid to offer an honest opinion for fear of being labeled.  Morgan Freeman once answered the question: "how do you stop racism?" with the best answer I've ever heard.  "Stop talking about it" he said.  Wow - how simple can you get?   When you stop talking about something, it doesn't just go away but it DOES take it out of the limelight and offers a chance to think about what the real issues are.  Eventually, the issue will become an almost forgotten argument that only rears its ugly head as a passing thought.  Another plus when you quit talking about it is that you are not passing it along to future generations.  Can you imagine a world in which the only knowledge of racism is what one reads in books?


Much of the world has become fearful of Muslims.  I've seen arguments that Islam is a peaceful religion and arguments that it's not.  Personally, I have no idea and frankly, I don't care what they believe.  I do know that the people who practice Islam are human beings and have a right to worship whomever and however they choose.  Having said that, it's kind of hard to be non-discriminatory against a group that has earned their reputation.  People have become leery of the troublemakers in the group and, sadly, those who are not causing trouble suffer for it.


It doesn't just stop at gender, race or religion.  People from other countries or people with disabilities can and do experience inequality.  Do you know what I think would REALLY go far in doing away with this sense of inequality that so many feel?  Respect.  If people would just respect other people regardless of their differences, how much more amazing would this world be?


As I said earlier, God made man in His own image.  He didn't say the man was black, white, red or brown.  The man definitely wasn't Muslim, Christian or Jew.  Every person ever born is not the same but we are ALL equal.  Think about that.