With apologies to Wiliam Shakespeare: To Trust or not to Trust: that is the Question.

Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath.
~Solon~

While Hamlet may have been considering suicide and the damnation that might come after, so we, too, have an important choice to make.  As with every election I can remember, our choices seem to come down to the lesser of two evils.  The choices for this election seem to be particularly bad.  In this post, I am not going to endorse either candidate but I AM going to ask YOU some questions that I hope will give you some food for thought.


There are many concerns about the moral compass of both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton - and with good reason.  Information has been made public about both candidates that is disturbing on a good day. This is not that good day.  The choice we have to make is not only important, it's vital to the future of our country and its citizens.  The most important question is "who do you trust"?  Here are some others:


First question:  Instead of just listening, do you actually HEAR what the candidates are saying?  What about what they're NOT saying?  Do you blindly trust what they tell you or do you do your own research?  Do you listen to both candidates with the same fervor or do you listen to whatever will paint a particular candidate in a good or bad light?


Second question:  Do you base your vote on a single issue or do you consider all issues equally important?  Is there any issue that is a "deal-breaker" for you?  Can you forego your conscience and vote for the candidate who agrees with you on every issue except that one "deal-breaker"?


Third question: Is a code of ethics a consideration for you or do you prefer a candidate who will do what needs to be done even if it's unethical?  Can a person be morally bankrupt yet have the skills, intelligence, thoughtfulness and focus to be a good leader?  Is it important to you that we have a person of faith lead our country?


Fourth question:  Do you have discussions about the candidates and the issues with people of all opinions?  Do you seek information or do you wait for it to come to you?  Do you believe only what you hear on the news or in commercials or do you question what you hear?  Do you ever question yourself about what you really believe and why?  Have you considered all angles of an issue?


Fifth question:  Do you measure the value of a candidate based on outside forces?  Does physical appearance or behavior influence you?  Do you pay attention to body language and voice inflection?  Can you separate an honest mistake from what some deem a clue to a hidden agenda?


We each have only one vote and we need to use that vote to the best of our ability.  The above questions may help or maybe they won't.  Either way, we have to elect a new president.  Again, I ask:  who do you trust?


I don't know who our next president will be but we all need to pray for our country and our leaders.  And you know what?  Let's pray for our voters as well.


As always...  just my thoughts...

Strange Bedfellows

A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.
~Thomas Jefferson~

I was challenged by a dear friend to do my own research on Donald Trump’s alleged sex crimes.  I accepted the challenge but took it one step farther.  In order to be fair and to make a better informed decision, I decided to research the Clintons as well.


Donald Trump has been accused of rape, attempted rape, inappropriate touching, groping, sexual misconduct and lewd comments concerning women.


Bill Clinton has been accused of rape, sexual misconduct, groping, exposing himself and sexual harassment.  It’s a fact that he has lied about his sexual exploits at least once.


Hillary Clinton has defended at least one man accused of raping a minor and has been accused of threatening that young girl as well several women who have made accusations against her husband.


Now, my first thought when all of this began was “Why bring Bill Clinton into this?  He’s not running for president”.  I have since decided that it’s not a bad idea.  After all, Bill was a president who had these accusations leveled at him both before and during his presidency.  This certainly gives us an indication of whether a person can be sexually immoral and still be an effective president.


I do find myself wondering how Hillary can call herself an advocate for women when she clearly has a double standard in her reactions to the women who accused Bill and Donald.  How can she condemn those who accused her husband while speaking in favor of those who accused her opponent?  I find myself thinking – no, BELIEVING – that the only woman Hillary cares about is Hillary.  Maybe she cares about her daughter.  Certainly I feel no kinship with her at all.


Somehow, all of the main issues have been lost in the midst all of these accusations.  I have to wonder if that was deliberate.  Does anyone remember where either candidate stands on any particular issue?  Who will do more to keep us safe?  Who will do more to get our economy moving again?  Who will choose the best person for the Supreme Court?  Those are some of the things on which I will base my decision – not who has the least amount of immorality.


As always… just my two cents.

On Growing Old

"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."
~Eleanor Roosevelt~

As a young girl, I would look at the Argyle pattern on the back of my grandfather's neck and wonder what it was like to be old.  I, of course, was never going to look like that or have wrinkles or sagging skin.  After all, I was young and always would be.


When I first noticed the diamond shaped wrinkles on my grandfather's neck, he was probably about the age I am now.  In the years since, I've noticed the pattern on other men's necks and decided it must be a "man thing" since I'd never noticed it on a woman.  Maybe that's because women tend to hide their necks beneath long hair - who knows?


Yesterday, I saw that pattern on my husband's neck and immediately thought of my grandfather.  Like a ton of bricks, it hit me that we had become the "old" people.  It's true - all of our parents and grandparents are gone.  Between the two of us, my husband and I had over 20 biological aunts and uncles.  I still have 3 biological aunts and one biological uncle left but all of my husband's are gone.  With that logic, we're not quite at the peak...yet.  Our generation is dangerously close to the beginning of the end.  That happens when people get old but, as I said, WE are NOT old.


We are both in our 60's and that is NOT old these days.  I remember both sets of parents and 3 of the 8 grandparents. They looked old; they acted old; they WERE old.  Eyesight was failing, hearing was going, memory was a come and go thing, joints ached and they just didn't have the stamina they once had.  No, that's not us at all!


Nevermind that we're both wearing bifocals now, that my husband is losing his hearing, that we both have become forgetful, that our joints ache all the time and that we can no longer do what we used to do or that what we CAN do, we can't do at the same level.  No, WE are not getting old.


I used to look at my mother's face and think to myself that I would never have wrinkles like that.  I was never going to have sagging jowls or baggy eyes.  So guess what I see when I look in the mirror?  Yes, sagging jowls, baggy eyes and my mother's wrinkles.  I don't have a clue how this happened because in my mind, I'm still 35.  My body can't do what it once did but I still feel young.


It's funny how I used to look at old people and wonder what it must be like to know you have many more years behind you than ahead of you.  I will admit - I AM at that point.  I'm fairly certain that I won't live to be over 120 years of age.  With that in mind, I have to accept that I'm on the downhill slope.  Even so, I AM NOT OLD!


My husband can easily refer to himself as an old man.  I'm not there yet - not for either of us.  In fact, one thing I've always said about myself is that I will never get old - I will just live a very long time.  To be the longest living young person is quite a feat and I'm working on achieving that goal.


Knowing all that I know and believing all that I believe, I've concluded that our bodies will get old and show the signs of aging in some very unattractive ways no matter how much we fight it or how much we deny it.  Our soul, however, is timeless and never ages.  That's why in our minds, we don't feel old.  Our minds and our hearts are the essence of who we are and who we always will be.  I am not my body so I will never get old.  I just wish I didn't have to look like I did.


Just my humble opinion...

Rights, Actions and Consequences

You can't blame anyone else ... no one but yourself. You have to make your own choices and live every agonizing day with the consequences of those choices.
~Max Brooks, World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War~

All of this hoopla surrounding standing or not standing for our national anthem has really been uppermost in my mind of late.  I find it most offensive when someone who is supposed to be a role model for our children chooses to protest by showing disrespect for something that means so much to so many.


It's true that said person (and many who have followed his lead) has the Constitutional right to protest.  It's also true that no one has to agree with or condone his actions.  There is absolutely a difference between having a right to do something and doing the right thing.


What I think he may not have considered when he started this protest is that his actions have consequences.  Not only has he been booed in public, his football jerseys have been burned and he lost some endorsements, his chosen method to protest has shifted the focus from the reason for his protest to a seemingly lack of patriotism and a figurative slap in the face to every man and woman who has fought for the liberties he takes for granted.


His "cause", I think, has some merit and does need some attention.   Showing respect to our flag, our anthem, our military and our country - all of which were disrespected, in my opinion - is not the way to further awareness about or cause action to change something.  As I said before, the reason for the protest has been lost.  You don't believe me?  Start asking everyone you see what they think this man was protesting.  No cheating by googling or researching or asking others.  Some will know, many will not.


Just my two cents...

Is Voting a Waste of Time?

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
~George Jean Nathan~

We in America do not have Government by the majority; we have Government by the majority who vote.
~Thomas Jefferson~

Both quotes above were so appropriate that I couldn't decide which to use so I used them both.

It's a shame how much voter apathy there is in the US.  Sadly, this is not a new trend. I did a little research and found a website (www.fairvote.org) that lists voter turnout for all presidential elections from 1916 through 2012.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered the largest voter turnout was in 1960 at just 63.8%.  The lowest turnout was in 1924 with 48.9% voter turnout. Unbelievable.


Things get even worse when you consider the percentage of those who are eligible to register to vote are actually registered.  According to www.demos.org, an estimated 51% percent of eligible Americans are NOT registered to vote.  Now I don't know how Demos came up with that percentage but if I were a gambling person, I'd bet they're not far off the mark.


So, now we have about 64% of 49% of Americans determining who leads our country and makes our laws.  If my calculations are correct (forgive me if math was NOT my best subject), that means that less than one third of adult Americans who are eligible make all the decisions on who is elected to lead our country.  Even if a candidate is unanimously elected, he or she is chosen by a very small percentage of the citizenry.  What a sad state of affairs!  I promise you, though, that about 90% of all Americans - or higher - will offer an opinion on the outcome of any given election.


Can you just imagine how different things might be if a majority of Americans actually registered and then voted?  What must we do to stop the apathy of the American voter?  I don't have an answer because I just can not comprehend the mindset that "my one lousy vote doesn't matter".   What if that small percentage of voters all decided to stay home on election day because of that mindset?  The candidate with the largest family would probably win the election because you know they and their families are going to vote.


I'm issuing a challenge to every American who is legally eligible to register to vote to gather his or her family and their friends who have the same mindset and register NOW and then show up to vote on November 8, 2016 and cast a ballot.  Let's find out what happens if we have an election and everybody comes.

Is It Still A Law If It's Not Enforced?

Those who object to the use of the term "Illegal Alien" appear to believe that if they can convince the American public that illegal immigration is not really illegal, then amnesty no longer is amnesty and enforcing immigration law is unnecessary.
~Eric A Ruark~

 

If there's any one issue that's been talked about during the early part of this election season it's illegal immigration.  I'll be honest here - I have absolutely no clue how to fix the problem.  Make no mistake - it IS a problem but it's a problem much larger than people coming into our country without going through the proper channels.

 

The last estimate I saw said there are about 20 million illegal immigrants in the US.  According to the Pew Research Center, only about half of them are from Mexico and about 5% of the labor force in the US is made up of illegal immigrants.

 

According to the American Immigration Counsel, the majority of illegal immigrants DO pay taxes, DON'T take jobs away from American workers, DON'T want welfare, DO want to learn English and DO want to become Americans.

 

To be perfectly honest, I don't know where either of those agencies get their information from so I can neither validate nor discredit any of the so-called "facts".   I can and will offer my personal opinions on all of it (did you really doubt I would?)

 

First of all, if you remove all the statistics from the picture - all the beliefs, the pros & cons, the good & bad, the reasons why - you end up with one undeniable fact.  It's against the law.  Pure and simple.  Now the question becomes "what can we do about it?"

 

I know there are many illegal immigrants who come here looking for a better life for their families.  I know they will take the jobs and do the work that most Americans won't.  I know that many of them DO learn English and DO obey our laws - well, except for that nasty one about immigration, of course.

 

Several years ago, my community lost two beautiful, intelligent and vibrant teenage girls who had bright futures ahead of them.  They were stopped at a stop light when they were rear-ended by a drunk driver.  He was an illegal immigrant who already had several DUIs on his record and had even spent time in jail for drunk driving.  He had also been arrested for other offenses (armed robbery being one) more than once.  His immigration status was known after his first arrest.  The community demanded to know why this man was still in America.  The answer was because he had committed no deportable offenses.  What?  Did I hear that right?  No deportable offenses?  Shouldn't illegal immigration in and of itself, by its very  nature, be a deportable offense???  That's like saying a law is not enforceable.  No it's not - that's EXACTLY what it's saying.

 

I totally understand that there are good people who break the law sometimes.  If someone is here illegally but they follow our laws and become productive members of society who give back when and where they can, then we need to work with them and help them to become legal immigrants.  If, on the other hand, they’re breaking our laws and have no respect for our way of life, choosing instead to live off of our social programs and never give anything back, send them back to their home country.

 

In my opinion, one answer to our illegal immigration problem is to make it less attractive.   Every social program we offer should be available only to those who are here legally and they should have to prove it by showing a visa or a green card.

 

Another solution is to change the immigration law itself.  It’s hard to come here legally.  The process for immigrating legally is tedious, arduous and loaded with paper work.  Maybe THAT’S what needs to be fixed?

 

In today’s world, certainly we have to be cautious but isn’t it true that no matter how little we may know about a legal immigrant, it’s certainly a lot more than we know about an illegal one. At the very least, we know he’s here and where he came from.

Why Do People Betray?

Betray a friend and you'll often find you have ruined yourself.

~Aesop, Aesop's Fables~

Have you ever thought about why some people betray others?  I do but then I think a lot about what makes individuals do the things they do - good or bad.  There's this...this... "thing" about me that makes me want to know the whys of everything.  I figure that if you know why something happens, it's easier to find a solution to the problem.


I remember learning about Benedict Arnold when I was in elementary school.  Before he was a traitor, he was a patriot and a war hero.  But he was a jealous man who became bitter over his perceived lack of acknowledgement of his accomplishments.  This bitterness was the catalyst for his eventual betrayal of his country and it cost him dearly.


Brutus betrayed his friend, Julius Caesar, because he was talked into it.  To my knowledge, Brutus never received anything in the form of payment for his betrayal but he did have to leave his home and relocated to the island of Crete.


Delilah's only reason for betraying Sampson was greed.  She was paid 1100 shekels of silver  by the Philistines to learn the secret of Sampson's great strength.  Her betrayal would cost her and everyone in the temple - even Sampson himself - their lives.


Probably the best known betrayer of all time is Judas Iscariot.  His betrayal of Jesus for 30 pieces of silver is probably the saddest story of all.  Judas regretted his betrayal and gave back the silver.  He then took his own life but it was too late.


There are more examples throughout history but the reasons all seem to be the same:  Power, manipulation and greed.  The biggest thing this points out to me is that people in general have been the same throughout history.


The whole thing about betrayal to me is the lack of character required to betray another human being.  There is no respect, no compassion, no honor among those who betray.  Why not?  There is something inherently wrong with a person who is so easily led or who loves power and money so much that he is willing to turn against anyone.


I really can't put into words that sufficiently describe my feelings about betrayal.  This is such a totally foreign concept to me.  I don't understand it and probably never will.  Frankly, I'm not sure I want to.


In the beginning, I said I always look for a "why" in order to correct a situation.  In this case, I'm not so sure about that.  The "whys" are clear - greed, power and manipulation - but the answer is not.  Or is it?

An Open Letter to Donald Trump

Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.

~George Orwell~

I've deliberately been avoiding the subject of politics thus far, preferring to wait until we actually KNOW who is running for president.  But now I feel compelled to address something that I think is wrong on so many levels.  I'm talking about Donald Trump's planned boycott of the Republican Debate coming up this Thursday on the Fox News Channel.  Mr Trump has decided that he won't participate if Megan Kelly is a moderator.


Mr Trump, I totally understand that you don't like her but, seriously, isn't what you're doing basically dictating to the supposedly unbiased (I use the term very loosely) media how they should do their jobs?  If you're elected president, are you going to boycott any summits or meetings at which there are officials with whom you are feuding?  Are you going to have town hall meetings in various localities at which only those who treat you nice will be allowed to participate?  If you have a feud with a member of Congress, are you going to refuse to give a State of the Union Address?


I'm one of those voters who is still undecided about whom I want as our next Commander-in-Chief.  Stunts like this (and yes, I see it as a "stunt") do nothing to sway me in your direction, Mr Trump. In fact, it has the opposite effect.  I would never say you're afraid of Megan Kelly but it does make me pause and wonder if you can't or won't deal with her, what will you do when faced with the likes of Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un or Ayman al-Zawahiri?  I want a leader who will stand up to those who are tough on him - even if he thinks it's unfair - and not someone who backs down when he feels attacked.


I have watched every single debate - both Republican and Democratic.  I don't want any candidate who is still in the race to miss a single debate for any reason.  I know things happen that are beyond a person's control and emergencies arise, but to boycott because you don't like a moderator?  Um, no.  That's like a kid in school not going to math class because he doesn't like the teacher.


You may not realize this, Mr Trump, but the debates are not set up for the comfort of the candidates. Rather, they are for the people to hear in their own words where the candidates stand on the issues and to defend that stance.  I honestly cannot tell you at this point if I will or won't vote for you when my state has our primary in March.  I can tell you that if you go through with your boycott, I will certainly be able to pay more attention to your opponents.

A View From The Other Side

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.
~Wayne W. Dyer~

Anyone who knows me knows my passion for genealogy and tracing my roots.  To that end, I watch any and all genealogy shows I can.  Last night I was watching "Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates Jr" and had a thought I'd never had before.  What if my ancestors had BEEN slaves instead of OWNING slaves?  Would that make a difference in how I view racial issues in today's world?  I went to bed with some soul searching on my mind.


When I began seriously researching my ancestry about 15 years ago, I never gave it a thought if my ancestors owned slaves, if they fought in any of the major wars in our country, how they supported their families or what kind of people they were.  I did want to know where they came from and when they came to America - or to the Colonies as it turned out to be in most of my lines.  Let me go back a few years to when it first hit me that my ancestors weren't just people who lived a long time ago, but people who were actually part of history and historical happenings.


I was trying hard to find the parents of one of my 3rd Great-Grandfathers.  I knew when he died (1863) but never associated the timing of his death with what was historically happening at the time (Civil War).  It was when my oldest son found where this ancestor was buried that I learned the cause of his death.  He was a soldier in the Confederate Army of Virginia during the Civil War and was wounded in the second battle of Manassas.  Infection from that wound would send him to the hospital where he contracted Typhoid Fever and that is what ultimately killed him.  That's when my interest in the Civil War began and when I learned that it's really my own personal history that makes an impact on how I think and feel.


As I found more and more of my ancestors, I learned that some of them were poor farmers who could not afford to own slaves and some were wealthy plantation owners who most assuredly did own slaves.  I was really ambivalent about it because, frankly, I didn't care.  I didn't judge my ancestors because as I always say, that's God's job not mine and also because that's just the way it was back then.  I suppose I just accepted that it was history and not something that mattered in my personal life.  I chose not to research any slave records because I didn't want to know who owned other human beings and how many of them they owned.


I have accepted slavery as part of our history because, well, it IS part of our history.  I have never and will never justify it or condone it but I do think we need to remember it.  We don't need to use it as an excuse to hate but rather as a reason to always treat others with respect, honor and love.


That all sounds wonderful, doesn't it?  But would I feel the same way if I was descended from slaves?  To be perfectly honest, I don't know.  I would like to think that I would.  I've always been acutely aware that it is possible I could have black ancestors but never once considered that they could have been slaves.  Will my ambivalence subside and give me pause to consider what it must have been like to have been a slave?  It was a pretty eye-opening thought for me - one I'm still pondering this morning.


I'm absolutely, positively certain of one thing:  I will never become angry over what happened in history as it relates to me personally.  I could have ancestors who were hung as witches during the Salem Witch Trials and I wouldn't become angry about it.  I do have an ancestor who was tried for treason during the Revolutionary War (he sided with the British and blew up his neighbor's boats in the harbor) and I'm not angry about that either.  It's all history and can't be changed - and none of it has anything to do with who I am today.


Whatever conclusion I ultimately come to, I can promise you that I will continue to be who I am and will continue to leave it in the past where it belongs.  We cannot change our past nor do we have any control over who our ancestors were or what they did.  We can accept our past, let go of what we can't change and then move forward in our lives and relationships without the chains of grudges and anger holding us back.


I prefer to learn from the past, not relive it.

Does Beauty Impress?

If the whole world was blind how many people would you impress?
~Boonaa Mohammed~

Have you ever wondered what people really think of you?  I do all the time.  It's usually just a passing thought because in truth, the only ones whose opinions of me really matter are my own and God's.  I learned two things a very long time ago:  1) I'm the only one who has to live with the real, unseen, unheard, unknown me; the me who makes choices in my life and who acts on them; and 2) Only God is qualified to pass judgment on me and, truthfully, His is the only judgment that matters.


The world in which we live today has people believing that you only have value if you fit the mold of that which they consider worthy or beautiful.  How many of us walk past a homeless person on the street and look away because our opinion of them is such that they're not good enough to even be acknowledged?  If we knew their stories, we might find people who are not only worthy of our time but who can be (and probably have been) productive members of society if they just had someone to help them find their way.  Have you ever actually stopped and talked to a homeless person?


I feel sorry for those who only have time for attractive, wealthy people or people of "society".  How sad that so many of us can't see the heart of others and find the true beauty that lives within them.  How sad that so many who are deemed unattractive in their appearance, unworthy to have a friend, uninvited in our lives and undeserving of success could be so much more if they had only been given a chance, listened to or encouraged.


Many people today go to such extremes to achieve physical beauty and never learn what real beauty is.  They take pills, get injections and undergo surgery just to be whatever their perception of beauty might be.  Beauty is not what's on the outside, it's what shines out from the inside.  Joan Rivers once said "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery".  How sad is that?


The ugliest people in the world are sometimes those who have flawless beauty, enormous wealth and lofty social standings while the most beautiful of us are wearing tattered clothes, sleeping on the streets and going days without food.  We are all God's people (even those who don't believe in God).  We all have the same value regardless of our standing in life.  As you go through your day-by-day existences, think about how many times, while you were looking at others and making mental assessments of their worth, others may be making the same assessments about you.


A final note:  Remember that how we perceive another person oftentimes shows on our faces and in our actions.  Are your facial expressions and actions covering up your true beauty?

How Much Do You Want?

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.
~Mahatma Gandhi~

So someone finally won that 1.5 billion dollar power ball lottery.  Thank you, Jesus, the hype is over!  I personally did not contribute even one dollar to the frenzy.  If I had had a weak moment and bought a ticket that won, I'd have given 99% of it away.  I have no desire for that kind of money.


In this day and age, I see more and more people becoming 'money worshippers'.  They can't get enough and are always searching for more, bigger and better.  Why?  How much money do you seriously need?  How many things can you spend it on?  How many houses, cars, yachts and jets would you own?  I suppose one could put solid gold toilets in each of his 25 bathrooms and have door knobs made of the finest diamonds if one were so inclined but, again, why???


The thing I don't get is why can't people just be happy with what they have?  So many don't even have the necessities of life and then there are those who think they don't have enough because someone else has that "more, bigger, better" thing they want.


Being satisfied with what you have does not in anyway mean that you can't want more.  It just means that you know your life doesn't depend on it and if you never get something you want, you'll still be happy.  Can you imagine having so much money that you can get everything you want?  Where's the excitement of anticipation?  of wishing? of hoping? of dreaming?  Where's the joy you get from finally getting that for which you waited so long and worked so hard?  Every adult knows the disappointment that comes when Christmas is over and none of those things are left.


Have you ever wondered what motivates the wealthiest people in the world?  Obviously, everyone is different, but if I had to wager a guess, I'd put my money on greed.  I think money can become as much an addiction as heroin or cocaine if you place too much importance on how much of it you have.  I also believe that there is something emotionally and/or morally wrong with those of us who fall into that category.


The Bible tells us (yes, here I go again!) that we cannot serve two masters.  Money is not my master nor is a desire to have that "more, bigger, better".  Matthew 19:24 tells us that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.   Wow.  Give that some thought while I move on.


Many years ago when we were struggling in our early years, my husband and I took a tour of a shopping club for which we had a lotto ticket with which we could win anything from $5 to $500.  Naturally, we won the $5 - for which I was grateful because we were needing bread and milk.  My husband kind of scowled and said "Figgers.  We never win the big prize."  I anwered him :"No, but we always seem to get the 5 or 10 dollars when we're needing something."  He admitted I was right.  Surprisingly or not, we both still seem to have those same attitudes today.  Guess which one of us has the less stress?


Now, having said all that, if someone should happen to toss a winning lottery ticket my way and the pot is a size I'm comfortable winning, I won't be upset.

Facing Disappointment

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
~Henry David Thoreau~

Sometimes I think disappointment is one of God's ways of humbling us.  It's certainly true that we need disappointment in our lives in order to appreciate satisfaction - at least I think so.  I've experienced that scenario this weekend.


My disappointment came from something that is really not that important in the grand scheme of things.  My hopes were built up to the point that I was positively soaring and believed I would go even higher.  My bubble was burst and I experienced what ABC Sports has always called "the agony of defeat".  I went to bed last night with a broken heart and a broken spirit. 


A good night's sleep and a beautiful morning has changed my perspective and I'm feeling my usual obnoxious and positive self again.  That which disappointed me is over and a fresh new start is upon me.  Don't you just love how quickly points of view can change when you let them?


To be perfectly honest, I'm grateful for the reality check.  I needed it.  The old me from many (MANY!) years ago would have pouted and walked around with drooped shoulders and a frown for days.  The me of today has picked myself up, wiped the dust off and put the whole thing behind me.  I'm good and I'm happy.


For those who haven't figured it out, I'm talking about a silly football game.  My team lost a playoff game and will not make it to the Super Bowl.  Today, I'm looking forward to a better season next year.  Devastation has given way to reality.  Of 32 teams, only 12 made it to the playoffs and my team was one.  Next weekend, only 8 teams will still be in contention.  So many more will be watching and that is perfectly okay.


And yes, I AM still having a Super Bowl Party even if my team is just watching too.

Can Forgiving Make You Happy?

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.

~Lewis B. Smedes~

Have you ever been hurt or wronged to the point that you shout "I'll never forgive you!"?  I haven't and can't imagine any scenario in which I would say that or even feel that way.  I'm a forgiving person by nature and always - ALWAYS - forgive.  It's not something I plan or even make a conscious effort to do, it just happens.  It doesn't always happen right away - in fact, it rarely happens right away.  Sometimes I have to slush through the muck that is anger or hurt to get there but I DO get there.


I learned a long time ago that forgiving someone doesn't mean you forgive or even accept the behavior.  It means that you forgive the person and you're letting go of the hurt and anger.  Forgiving is an act of healing and of loving yourself.  And yes, it IS a component of being a happy person.


When you forgive, you let go.  When you let go, you free yourself.  You free yourself to concentrate on that which makes you happy.  It takes a lot of energy - negative energy - to hold a grudge.  You have to constantly remember the hurt or wrong done you and you also have to constantly FEEL it as well.  How can anyone be happy like that?


There are times when the same person hurts you over and over and over.  Each time, you need to forgive that person.  Then you need to remove yourself from the line of fire.  As I said, forgiving does not mean accepting.  There are people who are no longer part of my life because they wronged me too many times.  I forgave them then removed them from my life.


Forgiving does not make you a doormat.  It takes a strong person to forgive and then move past the hurt.  It takes practice and commitment.  You have to decide to forgive and then let it go.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting.  It just means that the hurt is no longer a focus.  It's a hard thing to do when it's a foreign concept to you but as you make an effort, it becomes easier.


And there is another, probably the most important part, of forgiveness.  We will all stand before our Heavenly Father one day and want His forgiveness.  How can we ask for that which we ourselves are not willing to give?


So, there you have it - my recipe for happiness:  Think positively, be grateful and forgive.  I would go one step farther and say that another part is in having faith in something greater than yourself.  For me, that is God.  Knowing that He is guiding my life and protecting me with His Divine love is the best feeling in the world.   How wonderful life is when you're happy!

Celebrating Gratitude

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
~Fred De Witt Van Amburgh~

Can you imagine how miserable life must be for the person who has no gratitude?  How hard it must be to go through life without acknowledging how fortunate we are to have all the blessings God has bestowed upon us!


It may not seem like it but it's really quite easy, and honestly, quite necessary to be grateful.  It reminds us of all the good things in our lives - even if we have to look really hard for them.  Being grateful is humbling and reminds us that we are not without value.


When life is hard and we're at a low point, when we think nothing is going our way and we'll never have any hope, we can always express gratitude.  Be grateful every morning that you woke up.  That's it - just that you woke up.  So many didn't make it to today and many of us won't make it to tomorrow.  As long as you are alive, you have hope and hope in and of itself is plenty enough reason to be grateful.


Developing an 'attitude of gratitude' is much the same as learning to think positively.  You don't have to feel it in the beginning - in fact, you probably won't.  If you say 'thank you' enough, you'll be surprised one day when you discover that you actually mean. it.  Maybe it's kind of like brainwashing yourself but in a good way.


Gratitude starts small.  Thank people whose lives intersect with yours during the day.  Thank the person who held a door open for you.  Thank the waitress who took your order in a restaurant.  Thank the bagger when you guy groceries.  Thank anyone who does even the tiniest nice thing for you.  You'll not only be developing an 'attitude of gratitude' you'll also show appreciation to someone who may not get it very often.


Don't limit your expressions of gratitude to strangers.  Express your gratitude to your family and friends as well.  The more you express gratitude, the sooner you will feel it.   I would also suggest that a little gratitude might make for better relationships.  Who doesn't smile and perk up when we feel appreciated?


Finally, I'm grateful to all of you who read my blog.  I'm also grateful when they're shared (did you know there are links at the bottom that you can click to share my blog?).


So, now we have a positive attitude and are grateful.  That's not all, so guess what...


...to be continued...

Speak It, Believe It

You may not seem able to change some outer circumstances but you can start by changing your inner experience of life and yourself.
~Joy Page~

Many years ago when I was newly employed at what would be my last job (never thought I'd work there long enough to retire!), I had a brief encounter with a stranger in an elevator.  It was actually pretty generic and quite simple but it's an encounter I've never forgotten and continues to have an effect on my life even today.


I don't remember if we got on the elevator at the same time or if one of us "picked up" the other on the trip, but I do recall the seconds-long conversation:  He: "Good morning!  How are you?" Me: "Good morning!  I'm great, how are you?"  He:  "I'm great too."  We both chuckled a little and then he said "you know, we might as well say we're great even if we're not.  If our brain hears it enough, our bodies will start to believe it."   The doors opened, we said our "have a good days" and just like that, the stranger was out of my life for good.  I doubt I'd recognize him on the street today but I'll never forget his words.  That's the day that I decided I would always try to have a positive attitude.


My desire for a positive attitude was reinforced as I began to notice the way others interacted with those around them.  I found myself preferring not to be around those who were always complaining or found only the bad in every situation.  You know the kind of people I'm talking about - they seem to have a problem for every solution.  I would find reasons not to be around those people more and more.  I noticed how draining it was to be in the presence of those "Debbie Downers" for too long and promised myself that I would never be one of them.  I wish they could all learn what I learned.


As I became more positive in my outer presence, something was happening inside me.  I began to feel calmer, more confident and smiled more.  I experienced more moments of being happy and satisfied.  My posture improved - which I think automatically makes you feel somewhat empowered (try standing up straight and tall and notice the difference).  Even my health seemed to be better.  Other than the occasional cold, I rarely get sick and when I do, it's usually pretty mild.


Just as hearing yourself say positive things about you, saying negative things has the same effect.   In my opinion, constantly finding the bad and always complaining are self-abuse.  If a parent did that to a child, it would be verbal and emotional abuse.  So why do it to yourself?


No one skirts through life without having some bad things happen.  It's just not possible.  Even when you're feeling sad or lost inside, you can still exhibit an outward appearance of positivity.  In fact, I would say that when you feel it the least is when you need it the most.  Trying to keep a positive attitude when things are really hard does not in any way diminish the situation but it DOES give you strength to get through the hard times.


I have come so far since that day in the elevator all those years ago.  Sometimes, it just amazes how much I'm affected by people and things around me.  I often wonder if I ever do that to others.  If I do, great, but even if  I don't, I'm a much better person for letting my life lessons influence me.  You should try it.


(FYI - positive thinking is only PART of the secret to being happy.  To be continued...)

A Tick of the Clock

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

~Hal Borland~

Have you ever wondered how things can be new just because the clock strikes midnight?  Why do we think that one second can change our whole life?  In my opinion, there is absolutely no difference from one second to the next insofar as our actions and mindsets are concerned unless we choose to make it different.


Here's what I think:  time is a man-made concept and only exists for each of us during our own lifetimes from the moment of birth to the moment of death.  Before birth and after death, time does not exist for us as individuals.


I think we subconsciously look for a logical starting or stopping point whenever we want to begin something new or end something old.  That's probably why we make new year resolutions.  The first day of a new year just seems like perfect timing.  We can begin a new diet, stop smoking, get our financial affairs in order, become more grateful, etc, at any point we choose.


A tick of the clock is just that - a tick.  It doesn't matter if it signals the switch from one hour to the next,  from one day to the next or from one year to the next.  It's just a convenient catalyst to use as motivation.


I've made resolutions in the past - same ones over and over actually.  I don't make them anymore.  The truth is, we make changes in our lives when we're mentally ready to make them not because of a clock tick.  We can begin brand new or we can stop old habits at any point we choose.  Why let a clock dictate our beginnings or endings?


Did I say I don't make resolutions anymore?  I did but I'm changing my mind.  My new resolution is to not let time determine my actions.  I will strive every moment to be better than I was the moment before.


What do you choose?

Same and Equal are Neither

The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.

~Aristotle~

It amazes me the things that go through my mind as I take my daily walk (which, I admit, I've been quite lax about during the holidays but I'm back on track now).  This morning, the air was crisp and invigorating.  I was looking up at the trees (which weren't really trees, rather they were naked branches reaching Heavenward) and the sky (which was a contrast in blue and gray with a few while fluffy clouds).  I thanked God for another day filled with His beauty.


What struck me is that the trees that weren't trees and the multi-colored sky were equally beautiful but they weren't the same at all.  I thought of all the issues about inequality during 2015 and decided I have had enough of it.


Anyone who knows me knows that I am a die-hard Bible believer.  The Bible says that God made man in His own image. Nowhere have I ever seen it written that God also made woman in His own image.  No, He made woman from the rib of man.  Physiologically, psychologically, perceptually, emotionally, man and woman are not the same but does that mean man and woman are not equal?  Not in my opinion.


The biggest inequality issue during 2015, in my opinion, was racism.  Things have gotten so out of hand that many people are afraid to offer an honest opinion for fear of being labeled.  Morgan Freeman once answered the question: "how do you stop racism?" with the best answer I've ever heard.  "Stop talking about it" he said.  Wow - how simple can you get?   When you stop talking about something, it doesn't just go away but it DOES take it out of the limelight and offers a chance to think about what the real issues are.  Eventually, the issue will become an almost forgotten argument that only rears its ugly head as a passing thought.  Another plus when you quit talking about it is that you are not passing it along to future generations.  Can you imagine a world in which the only knowledge of racism is what one reads in books?


Much of the world has become fearful of Muslims.  I've seen arguments that Islam is a peaceful religion and arguments that it's not.  Personally, I have no idea and frankly, I don't care what they believe.  I do know that the people who practice Islam are human beings and have a right to worship whomever and however they choose.  Having said that, it's kind of hard to be non-discriminatory against a group that has earned their reputation.  People have become leery of the troublemakers in the group and, sadly, those who are not causing trouble suffer for it.


It doesn't just stop at gender, race or religion.  People from other countries or people with disabilities can and do experience inequality.  Do you know what I think would REALLY go far in doing away with this sense of inequality that so many feel?  Respect.  If people would just respect other people regardless of their differences, how much more amazing would this world be?


As I said earlier, God made man in His own image.  He didn't say the man was black, white, red or brown.  The man definitely wasn't Muslim, Christian or Jew.  Every person ever born is not the same but we are ALL equal.  Think about that.