Mom, Family and Mortality

"Life is eternal and love is immortal; And death is only a horizon, And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."

~Rossiter W. Raymond~

I've had my mom on my mind since my uncle's funeral.  I keep remembering her words the last couple of years of her life.  Time and again she would say "I want to go to Heaven so I can see Mama, Daddy and Ralph again".  Ralph was her youngest brother who died four years before she did.  Now, their oldest brother has joined them.  It gives me comfort to think they're all together and happy so I'm going to concentrate on that and not let the unhappy thoughts that are running through my mind today win.

If Mom were alive today, we'd be celebrating her 81st birthday.  Somehow, that doesn't seem very old anymore.  I remember when I was a teenager and she was in her late thirties.  She would make comments about needing to lose weight or having to do something with her hair or something like that and I would think to myself "Why? Who cares what you look like?  You're old."  Notice I said I thought it to myself?  I'm not stupid now and wasn't then either.  I knew there were some comments better left to yourself.

Both of my parents were from large families and both are gone.  Mom was the first of five and my dad was the third of eight.  My mom has two sisters left and my dad has one brother and two sisters.  Losing parents is something we all expect to happen in our lifetimes but does anyone ever give a thought to losing aunts and uncles and what that means?  For me, it means that my generation is quickly moving to the top and is the next generation to start dying off.  That's a humbling thought.

This 'facing one's own mortality' can be a good thing, I suppose.  It can cause you to take stock of your life and make whatever changes you feel you need to make.  For me, it means making sure that those I love know it.  It means getting my genealogical work in some sort of order so it can be passed on to the next generation.  It means trying to find a way to continue the work my friend and I do for National Police Week each year after we're both gone.  In other words, it means making sure my priorities are in the right order and taken care of.  I don't have a bucket list but if I did, that's what would be on it.

Isn't it funny that I can think that my mom wouldn't be all that old today but I feel ancient?  Perspective is a confusing thing sometimes.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Saying Goodbye

It is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the soul is to enter into real life; 'tis rather an embrio state, a preparation for living; a man is not completely born until he be dead:  Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals?
~Benjamin Franklin~

This week I had to say a final goodbye to an uncle who I loved dearly.  He was my mother's oldest brother and the uncle who prepared a huge feast for me and my family when we stopped for a short visit last month as we were passing by on our way elsewhere.  I'm so grateful that I got to see him one last time but will always regret that I didn't spend more time with him.

My mother was the oldest of five children and I am her oldest.  My father left when I was just 2 so we moved in with my grandparents.  My mother's brothers and sisters lived there as well so I was literally raised with them.  My aunts and uncles became more like siblings than aunts and uncles and through the years, I became extremely close and attached to them all.

This uncle was different, though.  Uncle Doodle (as we called him) was the life of the party everywhere he went.  No matter what kind of day you were having, when you spent a few hours with him, your spirits were lifted and your face hurt from laughing.

He loved his family and made them his first priority in life.  He made sure everyone was taken care of before he took care of himself.  He loved being the center of attention if it was beneficial to someone else but he never wanted the personal attention on himself.  Does that make sense?

Uncle Doodle had a heart of gold that I never appreciated through the years.  Maybe it wasn't that I didn't appreciate it, rather it was that I took it for granted.  He was who he was and we all just accepted that about him.  But, really, isn't that true for most of us?

It hit me since I've been home that whenever someone we care about dies, we think about all the little things about them that we either never noticed, never knew or just didn't appreciate about them.  I've been thinking about all the times my uncle did something nice for me and am struck by the numerous times he showed his love for me through the years.

He and I shared a common love for the Washington Redskins.  He once gave me a Redskins throw that I keep on a rocking chair in my living room.  At the time I didn't know he was such a fan.  When I learned that fact about him, the throw became more special to me.  Some years ago when I visited, he made a planter for me in the shape of a wishing well.  That, too, has become more dear to me.

I used to wonder if my uncle 'liked' me (my childhood word for 'love') but I don't wonder anymore.  One of my fondest memories of him is when he was going home after coming for his brother's funeral.  He kissed me on the forehead and told me he loved me.  There is nothing in this world that he could have given me that could trump that.  I had a warm, fuzzy feeling all day that day.

I know you're with your parents, brother and sister so, rest well, Uncle Doodle.  I have always loved you and now I will always miss you as well.  Godspeed.. 

Have a Little Faith!

Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof

~ Khalil Gibran ~

So here I sit - on the computer, trying to concentrate on what I'm working on but in the other room someone is watching a documentary about NDEs (near death experiences).  Of course I can hear it and it's peaked my curiosity.  I just don't understand why scientists feel they have to have an explanation or proof for every single thing.

What I find amusing is that these proof-seeking scientists blame NDEs on everything from dreaming to drugs to pre-trauma suggestions to weird happenings in the brain yet they can prove none of that either!  By the same token, I don't believe that any of them have disproven the reality that NDEs exist either.  I just don't understand why it's so hard for some people to believe in something that they can't prove.  They would rather look for reasons to believe (or maybe NOT believe) than to just have faith that something greater than they can imagine has happened.

Here's what I find to border on the ridiculous:  we are told that billions of years ago, something exploded in space (the big bang?) that created something that evolved into something that evolved into something else that... well, you see where that's going.  Anyway, every single thing that happened after that supposed 'bang' came together and fit like a glove.  The entire world and everything on it is pieced together with such minute precision that the odds of  it ever happening are astronomical.  Um, excuse me, but doesn't believing that also require faith?  I mean, is there unequivocal, undeniable, unfaltering and unimpeachable proof of that 'big bang'?  That's easier to believe (or have faith that it's true) than that a divine being created everything with a purpose and a plan?  Yeah, right.  I think that when a person wants to find a reason to not believe something, they'll find that reason.

Since I'm on the subject of believing that which you can't prove, I just don't get atheists.  I can understand believing in different dieties but to believe in none?  How sad that must be!  What must the reason for living be for those who have no faith in something greater than themselves?

Obviously, the faith I'm talking about is the faith in that something or someone greater than ourselves but there's also other kinds of faith.  Doesn't it require a certain amount of faith to love and trust another person?  Doesn't it require a certain amount of faith to plan for the future?

Faith is one of our greatest God-given gifts - after love, of course.  How can anyone not embrace it with all that they are?  And really, what are we without faith?  Personally, I'm glad I don't know.

What I've Learned and Believe About Love

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
~ Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper ~

First and foremost, love never dies. Not if it's the real deal, anyway.  I'm not talking just about romantic love - I'm talking about ANY love - love for a parent or child, sibling or cousin, aunts, uncles, grandparents or friends.  And yes, even love for a spouse.

I believe that it's entirely possible to love someone you don't respect or even like.  I know this is absolutely true for me and if it's true for me, then it can be (and probably is) true for everyone.

I believe the happiest people are those who allow the love they have for others to remain on the surface and to shine through.

I believe that we all love someone who doesn't love us back and, by the same token, we all are loved by someone we don't love.

I believe that sometimes we can be so hurt that we harden our hearts in order not to be hurt again but that hard heart only locks the love deep inside.  It doesn't kill it.  Once we heal from the hurt (and forgive - oh, wait - I already did that blog) then the heart can soften and we can once again feel the love that's buried inside.  Bitterness and anger can disguise the love we feel but, again, they can't kill it.

I believe that loving someone does not mean that you approve of everything about them or everything they say or do.  Love is unconditional.  If you're placing conditions on your love then I say to you, you aren't giving love.

Lastly, I believe that love is the greatest gift God has given us.  Not only does He love us, but He also gave us the ability to love each other.  It doesn't get any better than that.

Oh - one more thing - if I have ever said "I love you" to you, please know that I do and always will because love never dies.

I just don't get it

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all.

~ Noam Chomsky ~

Yesterday was certainly one for the record books, wasn't it?  Apparently, those who chose to support Chick-fil-A are considered bigots and hate mongers by some groups.  How narrow-minded can some people be?  Oh no, I'm not talking about those "bigots and hate mongers" who supported Chick-fil-A; rather, I'm talking about those self-righteous idiots who think the personal convictions of a company's owner is reason enough to take away his right to express his opinion and to build a business.

I heard that one of the issues with Dan Cathey is that he donated money to anti-gay groups.  So what?  It's his money and, frankly, his right to donate to whichever causes he chooses. When the CEO of Amazon.com gave $2.5 million to a pro-gay marriage group, no one suggested we boycot HIS business.  In my opinion, no one should have.  Like Mr. Cathey, it's his money and his right to donate to whichever causes he believes in.

To me, it's simple.  If you can't or won't support a company because of conflicting beliefs, then don't spend money at those businesses.  What's the big deal?  Personally, I support BOTH businesses.  I don't give a rat's patootie what they believe about anything.  I love the food at Chick-fil-A and I buy a LOT of stuff from Amazon.com - I even have an Amazon.com VISA card...  love getting those points so I can get more stuff!

You know, I could understand the reasoning behind all this nonsense if these companies were owned by the government and supported by tax payers.  They're not.  They're privately owned companies that are supported by the people who patronize their businesses.  If you are so opposed to the belief system of any particular company, then don't spend money there.  At the same time, don't tell someone else they can't spend money there either.  It's just that simple.

According to one of the anchors at FOX News, yesterday was a 'national day of intolerance'.  I wonder if he sees the irony in his words?  The intolerance came not from those supporting Chick-fil-A but from those who apparently don't support free speech for those whose opinons differ from theirs.  You know what?  I bet the majority of Americans would be surprised to know what causes some of their favorite businesses support.

In America, we're all granted the same rights.  So how come some groups say it's not okay for other groups to exercise those rights?  Isn't that exactly what our forefathers fought and died for?

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to keep eating at Chick-fil-A and buying things from Amazon.com.  Is this a great country or what?