It doesn't take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go.
~J. C. Watts~
I love my life as a wife and mother. It's all I ever wanted to be when I was a little girl. My problem is that I'm having a really hard time transitioning from being a "mommy" to being a "mother". I know the problem is ME because I should have made this transition by now. My "babies" (and they will ALWAYS be my babies!) are grown men heading into middle age but I still want to be the one who heals their boo-boos with magic kisses and makes them better. Definitely unrealistic. Parenting adult children is the hardest thing I think I've ever done. Apparently, I'm not very good at it, either, but I'm trying.
When my oldest son got married, he chose the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the mother-son dance. As we were dancing, he whispered in my ear "this is the perfect song because you really are my hero". I've thought of that so much in the last three months as he struggles to live without the love of his life. Somehow I feel as if I've failed him and am no longer his hero. I don't like that feeling.
After my youngest son was divorced, he spent some part of almost every day at my home. Most evenings, he had dinner with us and talked - mostly to his dad. Now, he rarely has time for us - well, me - anymore. He still spends time with his dad at his own home. Even his brother is spending most of his days there as well and has dinner there most nights.
The three men in my life have formed a lasting bond that won't be broken. I'm so glad they're all close and comfortable with each other. Unfortunately for me, I feel left out and unappreciated. I don't mean to feel this way and try very hard not to take it personally. Sadly, that's not my nature so I just keep that to myself (most of the time... lol) because more than anything in the world, I want them all to be happy and have carefree lives.
I know that I need to put my focus on the remaining years I have left with the love of MY life and let my sons make their own choices even if I believe the choices they make aren't in their best interests. Letting go is NOT one of my strengths but I've gained enough wisdom over the years to know it's necessary - especially when it comes to being a parent.
Most of my friends are mothers of adults just like me. Tell me, friends, how do YOU do it? Desperate minds want to know...
