Being this fat sucks

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.
~Shelley Winters~

So I'm getting dressed this morning and did okay until it came time to pick out a top.  Nothing fit me like I thought it should.  Everything, it seemed, not only accentuated but actually showed off my loaf of bread (we passed 'muffin top' a LONG time ago!).   I'd put on a top, check it in my full length mirror and take it off.  Finally, I sighed and said to myself "being this fat sucks".  Talk about an 'aha' moment!  How ironic that the biggest wish I have is in my own power to grant yet I just keep wishing instead of making it happen.

If only I were one of those people who could go on one of those diets where you get full on less food and stay full longer.  Unfortunately, for me, eating has nothing to do with being hungry.  I eat when I'm bored or hurt or sad or happy or have something to celebrate.  Simply put, I like food.  Period.  Plain and simple - and I have a hard time denying myself that which I like.

So, now that I've admitted it to myself and said it out loud, what's next?  Am I going to spend the rest of my life wanting and wishing or am I going to actually take action to do something about it?  The thing is, I like healthy food that's low in calories and fat as much as I do the not-so-healthy stuff.  The problem is, the healthy foods aren't filling to me so I eat them WITH the unhealthy foods.  Kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

Despite what the medical professional's charts say, I'm not what I would call obese - no, that's for people who are sloppy fat and weigh 300 lbs - I haven't even hit 200 - yet, anyway.  Today I said out loud that I'm fat and probably really heard it for the first time.  I don't ever want to look at myself in the mirror and say 'being this obese sucks'.

Even more than that, being fat (do I HAVE to keep using that word???) is affecting my health.  I take high blood pressure and cholesterol medication and my doc keeps telling me I'm pre-diabetic.  I do NOT want to be a diabetic.  I have arthritis all over my body but it hurts most in my knees and hips - of course - you'd hurt too if you were carrying a baby elephant around all day!

So, if it's true what they say about today being the first day of the rest of your life, I guess I need to make a decision to grant my own wish and then do whatever I need to do to make it come true.  Cause, ya know, being this fat sucks.