Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward.
~Henry Ford~
Sometimes I think about my life and wonder why certain things did or didn't happen to me. I spent a lot of time during my childhood comparing my life to that of my friends. I wondered why I didn't have parents like theirs or why they were popular in school and I wasn't. Why did I have to be the child of divorce who never knew her dad? Why did I have a step-dad who didn't know how to be a dad? Why were we poor sometimes and not so poor others? Why did we have to move all the time? What would my life have been like if things had been different?
During my youth - most especially my teen years - I wanted to be different. I wanted to experience the same things that those who I considered "normal" experienced. I wanted to live in one place forever and take really cool vacations in the summer. I wanted to be involved in all kinds of extra-curricular activities in school as well as making the honor roll every grading period. I wanted to have the same best friend from first grade through college. We'd be each other's maids of honor at our weddings. We'd live next door to each other and our children (and husbands) would be best friends. Even our grandchildren would get to know each other. Obviously, that didn't happen.
But the biggest thing I wanted different in my life was to know my dad - my "real" dad as I would always call him. He left a void in my heart that I didn't think would ever be filled. This one thing - my dream - would eventually happen and it did help close that void.
When I was 33, he found me. HE found ME. That very statement in and of itself made a huge impact. It served to let me know that he had never forgotten me. We met a couple weeks after our first phone conversation and it was like I was in another world. THIS is the kind of stuff that happens to other people - not to someone like me. My "real" dad was a part of my life after that until he died.
My brothers never showed much of an interest in meeting our dad but they eventually formed a relationship with him as well. He would come visit us about one weekend a month and would take us, our spouses and children out for a big meal. He said he owed us so much that one meal a month wouldn't make a dent in that debt.
When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, he called me and told me himself. He made it sound like it was a minor issue and asked me to let my brothers know. That was the last time I ever talked to him.
Since that first meeting, I wondered (again!) what my life would have been like had he stayed around and raised me and my brothers. I've since decided that it probably would have been worse in some ways and better in others.
My childhood wasn't all that great but it wasn't the worse I could have had either. I think I used to blame my childhood for a lot of things but after spending time with my dad I learned two things - first, there comes a time in your life when you have to quit blaming your childhood and take responsibility for your adulthood. What happened in your past happened. It can't be erased or changed nor can it every really be forgotten but you CAN put it behind you and not let it control your life anymore.
The second thing I learned was that what happens in our lives happens the way it's supposed to happen. We are the sum of all of our experinces and those experiences - good and bad - eventually mold us into the person we eventually become. The trick - and I consider this one a biggie for me - is to accept who you are and learn to love yourself.
I've decided that I'm ok just the way I am and I like the person I've become. Without my life experiences I'd probably be someone else and I can't imagine I'd like her very much so I'm pretty happy with the way things have turned out.
This lesson is one that I'm constantly learning and have come to realize most of it in the last few years. I guess I'm fortunate. So many people never learn this lesson. Thank you, God.
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