Oh To Be Liked

When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self acceptance opened.
~Shannon L. Alder~

When I was young, I used to believe that no one really liked me because, well, frankly, I wasn't worthy. I was shy, introverted and tried desperately to please everyone.  I believed that if I could please people then they would have to like me.

I wouldn't dare disagree with anyone because they might not like me if I did.  I waited to form my opinions based on what others thought and then would make myself take the same opinions.  I wasn't good enough as myself so I had to copy those who I perceived to be good enough.  I'm not sure I know even now what it was that I thought I wasn't 'good enough' for.

I remember thinking "I can't believe I'm doing this - this is what the cool people do" when I got my ears pierced, when I got contacts and when I got a driver's license (at age 30, no less!).  That's how low my self esteem was way back then.  In my mind, I could hear people saying "oh she thinks she's so cool with those earrings" or 'she thinks she looks good without glasses".

It has taken a lifetime but I've learned that you can't make anyone like you no matter how hard you try to change yourself into what you think others expect you to be.  Not only that, but I also learned that if I can't like myself then it doesn't matter if anyone else likes me or not.  You know what else I learned?  I learned that learning that lesson was the most liberating experience I had ever had.

When I was first married, my husband would deliberately pick fights with me about the stupidest things.  My reaction was to shut up and let him win every argument.  But he was relentless.  He would goad me until I would finally get to the point that I would argue back. Once that became second nature for me, he confessed that he started those arguments so I would learn to fight back.

Fighting back with him was one thing.  Fighting back with others was something else entirely.  I remember the first time that I actually argued back with a stranger.  It was because she was a threat to our oldest son.  The next time was about our youngest son.  Learning that I could stick up for my children planted the seed in me that I could live just fine without caring what someone else thought about me.

My husband's next 'project' was to teach me to stand up for myself.  That was harder because standing up for myself meant that I had to believe I was worthy and I wasn't quite there yet.  Still, I had stood up for my babies so I knew I had the ability.  I give my husband all the credit in the world for helping me become the person I am today because without him, I would probably still be cowering in a corner waiting for people to like me.

This road to self-acceptance and self-love has been long, hard and filled with detours but I've reached a point in my life where I know I'm good enough and worthy to be liked - even loved.  I've learned that not everyone has to like me because, frankly, I don't like everyone.  Really, who does?

I have learned - through the love of my family and some pretty awesome friends - that I'm a pretty good person, worthy to be liked - even loved.  I've learned that's it's okay to make mistakes and that making them does not diminish my worthiness.  Knowing that has enabled me to deem others worthy to be liked.

Learning that I'm worthy has led me to the best lesson that I've learned - life is good and I am happy.  It only took a lifetime.