On Brothers and Sisters

There's no other love like the love for a brother.  There's no other love like the love from a brother.
~Terri Guillemets~

Two years ago today, I got an email that said "I think your dad is also my husband's dad".  It was the beginning of something wonderful in my life and the last (maybe) of surprises from my father.

As I've said before, my father left our family when I was two years old.  I had a one-year old brother and a new born baby brother.  About five years later, my mother was remarried and gave me another brother.  Before my baby brother was a year old, his father was out of the picture and we had a new step-dad.  That's how I grew up - the oldest of four children with a step-father who had grown up a victim of child abuse.

All my life, I wanted to know who my "real" father was.  Oh, I always knew his name (my second brother was a Jr) but I didn't know the man.  I didn't know what he looked like or what kind of person he was.  My mother told me he had died after being hit by a train.  I never knew (still don't) if she lied or if she had heard that somewhere and believed it.

Fast forward to the year I was about to turn 33 - just a couple weeks before my birthday, actually.  I got a phone call from my dad!  I was ecstatic!  It was my life's dream come true.  He told me that he'd thought about me and my "two" brothers through the years and that he loved me.  I never thought I'd hear anything so wonderful in my life.

Did I have any questions for him, he wanted to know.  I surprised myself when my only question was "do I have any brothers and sisters I don't know about?"  I didn't ask why he left or why he got in touch after all these years.  I wanted more siblings!  Yes, he told me.  He had another son and two daughters.  SISTERS!  YES!  Another lifelong dream come true!

My dad eventually started visiting us about one weekend a month for the next few years.  I learned that he wasn't the best person in the world but he was blatantly honest.  He admitted to anything he may have done wrong and never once blamed anything on anyone else.

The last time I spoke to my dad, he called me to tell me he had lung cancer and would I let my brothers know.  When I found out that he was in the hospital in intensive care a few months later, my brothers and I decided that we wanted to visit him.  He was in Michigan where his 'other' son lived so I got his number and called.  I spoke with my sister-in-law, explained who I was and asked if they would mind if we came to visit our dad before he died.  She knew about us and said of course we'd be welcome.

I called her a couple of days later to tell her our travel plans and she informed me that our dad had passed away the day before.  So my two oldest brothers and I packed ourselves in my little car and we headed to Michigan for our dad's funeral.  We knew we'd meet our new brother and sisters and were happy about that.  Turns out we were SO VERY WRONG.

Our new brother was okay at best, distant with us.  He was probably just as confused as we were.  The sisters, however, were quite hostile and wanted nothing to do with us.  We took the hint.  I went from having 3 brothers to having 4 brothers and 2 sisters and back to just having 3 brothers.  I honestly tried to forge a relationship with the "other 3" as we called them but they were having none of it.

Fast forward again to two years ago and that wonderful email. Between the first three and the other three, there was one more.  This time, our new brother was interested in being just that - our brother.  And how blessed we are that he came into our lives!  He's a wonderful man with an equally wonderful wife and three of the most beautiful daughters God ever put on this earth.  Now I was the oldest of five with four awesome brothers.  God is good!

When I met my new brother for the first time - about a month after the first email - I learned that love at first sight is real.  I can't explain it but I felt an instant connection to this man who until now was a total stranger.  He was my brother in every sense of the word and I loved him as much as I did - do - love my other 3 brothers.  The only difference was that we had no shared memories.

We'll never have childhood memories but we've been together a handful of times so we're making memories now.  We don't have a lot of time, unfortunately.  My brother is not well and is no longer able to travel.  For now, I still have him in my life and I will cherish that as long as I can.

Thank you, Sister-in-law, for sending that first email and for making us a part of our brother's life.  I appreciate you so much.

And, Bubby - happy birthday.  I love you.